Melchizidek the Wondrous

So I got a fun spam e-mail today, about magic products…

NOTE: This e-mail is for professional magicians only. Please ignore it if you are not a professional magician. We hope that you are happy to receive this information but If you would like to be removed from this confidential e-mail list, please let us know

“everything you touch turns to excitement”

The next big thing from the creative mind of Yigal Mesika and Zeev Fleischman!

A mind-blowing masterpiece and a mentalist’s dream, this effect bridges the mental and the physical.

The shock from electric touch will make audiences excited and they will remember you for the rest of their lives. Perform it anywhere on a moment’s notice.

*Imagine while using your “powers” of your mind, you ask someone to think of a number or pick a card. You then hold your finger up and ask your volunteer to focus on that number or card and transfer that thought to you simply by touching your finger. When your fingers touch, you give them an electric static shock, and to their breathtaking surprise, the thought seems to travel from their brain to yours to deliver an unbelievable presentation that will blow their mind! You’ve got to see it to believe it!

*With a touch of your finger, make a fluorescent light bulb glow on and off under your command!

*Make confetti move under your command!

*charge a spoon or keys and watch as it shocks a volunteer! They will believe you have supernatural powers!

Make the biggest skeptic into a believer!

If you’re familiar with the Spiderpen, you know that MESIKA MAGIC is the brand that promises you first-class quality!

PLUS:

* INCLUDES BONUS DVD!
* BATTERIES !
* TRY IT NO-RISK FOR 3-MONTHS. IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, WE RETURN YOUR MONEY BACK GUARANTEED!
* FREE SHIPPING WORLDWIDE UNTIL JANUARY 1st!

THIS IS THE ORIGINAL, IF YOU FIND ANY KNOCK-OFFS WITH BETTER QUALITY, WE WILL RETURN YOUR MONEY BACK GUARANTEED! BUY MESIKA. BUY THE BEST! I PROMISE YOU THAT EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH WILL TURN TO EXCITEMENT!

DON’T MISS OUT!

OFFER GOOD ONLY UNTIL DECEMBER 31st!!!

$149.99

visit the website at *snip*
Mesika Magic is located at 7245 Hillside Ave #310 Los Angeles, CA 90046

Phone: (323) 851-2580

This is an advertisement from Mesika Magic for “Electric Touch”

But you see… I decided to reply. I am obviously a professional magician and so they will be happy to hear from me, their target audience.

It is good that thou art cognizant of my status as one of the top practicers of the dark arts, for I am indeed one of the ten Great Magicians. However, thine admission DOTH NOT mollify my rage at receiving thy spam promoting these cheap and petty sleight-of-hand tricks. Such insolence mocks the brethren who doth seek to practise the TRUE ARTS OF PURE WIZARDRY. Fools!

To duly punish thee for thine gross offense against Myself, Melchizidek the Wondrous, I have begun, on this day of Thermidor, the Dark Summoning of the Infernal Magick. Once set in motion, such powerful wizardry CANNOT be stopped except through the sacrifice of a young maiden on the Altar of Abaddon. Should thou wishest to save thine countrymen, thine families, and thine own wretched selfs, please remit thine young maiden to:

Melchizidek the Wondrous
c/o Dark Summonings R Us
7000 Jormungandr Path
Asgard

Note: Thou hast until the rising of the new moon allows its dark light to fall on mine Altar. Do not fan the flames of my wrath with thine petty delays.

Signed,
Kvasir
on behalf of Melchizidek the Wondrous

I win.

Dewdles by Sam